I was talking with a friend recently and we were talking about how neither of us live in the city we grew up in. She was saying she hates going home because then she gets treated more like a daughter (the whole like “when will you be home” kind of stuff, dependant again). You forget about that when you live away from home and you live pretty independently.
But I think I’ve realised I need to be less independent and be more like a daughter.
I was recently introduced to this song by Joy Williams, ‘Welcome Home’. It’s like the story of the prodigal son in song. I feel like it’s the symphony of God’s heart, a lullaby to sing over His children. It made me ball.
‘Hello, I’ve been waiting for you
I didn’t know if you’d recognize my voice
Cause I’ve been whispering your name again and again
I’ve been imagining this day and I’ll never be the same.
It’s like life is an ongoing adoption process. You realising you’ve been adopted by God. Knowing it in your head is one thing. Knowing it in your heart is another. Kris Vallotton says “You are loved not for what you do but who you are and whose you are”. Whose you are is a biggy for me. I’m God’s child and I can be like Him. Sometimes when I have focussed on meditating on scriptures about the father heart of God I find myself becoming a different person. More confident, more secure, more free and more aware of the Holy Spirit’s leading.
“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” – Romans 8:15
So I’m set on investing in the nation of America but I’m also set on untying some of the knots that have kept me bound. I know that life is a process but I think this will be a pivotal part of me being able to walk in all I am called to, for life.
I think I’ve often not known how loved I was and shut people down before they got a chance to say hello.
I want to be less independent. I want to be home. I want to be a daughter.
I’ve gone home in parts and places I know there’s still so much of me to grow. Part of me knows I’m going somewhere that will be home but it will likely settle some things that should have never been questions.
I’m hoping that when I know my own identity I can create homes for people that restore hearts and identity whether in a physical building, a conversation or a passing moment. I can’t think of building many things more beautiful.
I think I have some of that now but it’s still being built into me, some parts taken out and some put in and they need to be put in ways that can’t be shaken.
“A home is a guardian of identity. The owners of a home went away on a long journey. On their return, as they looked around them they remembered who they were” –ALAIN DE BOTTON (The Architecture of Happiness).
“and if you ever lose your way, let me be the first to say, welcome home.” – Welcome Home, Joy Williams.