Growing up in the church, travelling a bit and working as a social worker I’ve come to understand that healing and miracles are pretty cool.
People are broken and they get sick. I’ve prayed for people and people have prayed for me. I’ve had surgeries worth thousands of dollars on the public health system that have also been an answer to the healing I was asking for.
I was born with an extremely rare genetic condition. It means bones that are supposed to be long are short, it means my some of my fingers are crooked and uneven, it means my joints are differently shaped (no high impact sport allowed and running is out of the question), it means I’m absurdly flexible and struggle to lift weights without my joints getting sore, it means that my hair is pretty fine (in fact it’s a miracle that I have as much as I do), my nose is larger than normal and I’m prone to chest infections. It’s not actually a huge deal in terms of general health. There’s nothing seriously wrong with me and life will keep going. I have a full time job and I’m pretty content. I’m not going to die young and I hate most sport anyway.
But, you COULD say there was something wrong with my DNA. You could say I need new DNA.
So for most of my life I’ve wrestled with shame and not wanting to talk about it. It’s not nice when people often want to know what’s wrong with you. Now it doesn’t bother me as much. People don’t ask as much but I don’t care as much if they do. It’s possible that I struggle with it more than I realise or would like to think.
But a few years ago this question started to rise within me. Why couldn’t God heal me?What would healing even look like? DNA is complex but God made it, if anyone could restore it, it’s Him.
Sometimes in church they pray for ‘the sick’. I’m not sick but I do need healing. I’m rarely ever going to able to rate my physical pain on a scale of 1-10 and see it go down in a prayer time. Maybe it wasn’t even anyone’s fault but I would often feel like my need didn’t count.
So why don’t you ask people to pray you might say? It’s vulnerable talking about what is wrong with me, to have people judge whether it was suitable for prayer or not. Some have got it and asked the God of miracles for new DNA. Some, not so much and have prayed for something else that maybe they considered more possible like better self esteem for me.
But here’s the thing. God heals. He just does and that’s who He is. His nature can’t be put in a box. As epic is self esteem is God also heals and I’m convinced He wants to. I don’t know what kind of perfect father would swap out self esteem for healing as if it were a matter of settling. Jesus never told the blind to settle for their blindness or the bleeding to settle for their blood.
In fact the more I get to know God the more I am convinced He is moved by physical struggle. The more I get to know God the more I sense that He cries with me. Not because He is powerless but because He is moved by my pain and by the consequences of sin and brokenness for His children.
I once decided I would ask God about my situation and pose one of the most vulnerable questions I ever have. Asking Him why I was like this (to which I was expecting a whopping fat silence).
However, God answered me immediately. He told me ‘it’s not your fault. You’re not your own. You’re mine. My DNA. My words. My wounds bound up in Jesus.’ He then brought a song to mind asking me if I could see what He saw or if I could feel what He feels. This song broke the night off a lot of things I had believed (Steffany Gretzinger – Heaven’s song).
One of Jonathan David Helser’s songs ‘Earth like Heaven’ has a line in it.
‘We won’t be satisfied, until the earth looks just like heaven’ and I guess that’s ultimately what is comes down to.
So I’ve started asking for people to pray for me. Not always but sometimes. It feel vulnerable, often holding back tears. But I’ve realised that sickness (or a genetic condition) isn’t okay for me or anyone else in any shape or form. In fact I’ve realised that as I sell most of my stuff I don’t really have anything to offer people most of the time apart from praying for God’s healing touch. I’ve seen people healed, mainly from joint pains but I want more. I want healed DNA and I want miracles because I believe Jesus died for that too. Sometimes people don’t get healed but we have to try.
So this has brought me to the place where I am going to this place called Bethel in Redding, California for their School of Supernatural Ministry this September. They’re known for a ‘miracle culture’ and have seen a lot of people healed from Cancer. I’m going for so many reasons. But I feel like for me particularly I’m after DNA. I feel like God has spoken to me about healing in my own life but also in the lives of others. After working with children in disability for over two years I’ve seen the brightest kids trapped in their crippled bodies and I’ve struggled to see breakthrough for healing in this area or in the area of genetic stuff generally. I believe Jesus calls us to pray and believe for healing for all, not just some and not what we have seen or what we think is possible. I want miracles.